My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
