Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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