He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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