Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hippo gnu deer
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
