Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
