I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
