i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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