i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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