Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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