The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
