She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
