Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
