What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
