I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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