Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize