I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
