also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
