Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize