Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
