I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
