nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
