Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think my vagina is haunted
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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