he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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