you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
