Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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