Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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