nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
