i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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