she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
