you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
