I cockslap morals
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
