My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
