we're blogging at a bar
my sisters under your porch take her home
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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