I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
this is an emotional support booty call
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
