It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
