whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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