Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
