I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
two words: eviction party
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I know her cup size but not her name....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
