I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
