matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
