you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
