The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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