There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
