Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
the liver wants what the liver wants
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
