Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
