my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
