This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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