I accidentally had phone sex last night
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's never too late to be topless.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
