You don't have asthma, your pregnant
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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