I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
