Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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