A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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