Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You ruined the universe
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
