I smell stomach acid.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
