I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
