The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
