i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
