I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
