know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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