Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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