Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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