I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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