i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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