I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
