We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
