if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
