that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
