Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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