I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just want nice things and good sex
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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