I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
