Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
