You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
