I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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