Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
