i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
