In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
