It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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