you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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