U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
whose ass print is on the piano?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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