My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
