I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
