His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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