My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
