I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
