who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
