Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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