what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
