I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
