she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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