I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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