i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
