In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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