the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Even my vagina gasped.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
