K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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